9 Korean condolence phrases and when to say them (삼가 고인의 명복을 빕니다)
A Korean funeral is held over three days at a 장례식장, the funeral hall attached to a hospital, and most people attend for twenty minutes: sign the guest book, hand over a white envelope of condolence money (부의금 or 조의금), bow twice before the portrait, bow once to the family, and share a short meal in the next room. Almost no one makes a speech. The words below are the few that are said, and the bow does the rest.
The register here is formal: -습니다 endings and honorific -시- throughout, because grief is the one situation where even close friends step up a level. The last two phrases are in polite 요 speech and belong to the days after, when you are talking to a friend rather than to a family in a receiving line.
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삼가 고인의 명복을 빕니다.
samga goinui myeongbogeul bimnida.
My deepest condolences.
Literally: (I) respectfully pray for the departed's happiness in the next life.
The fixed formula, said at the funeral hall, written in a condolence message, and posted online when a public figure dies. 고인 is the deceased, 명복 their peace in the afterlife. It fits every religion and none.
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삼가 조의를 표합니다.
samga jouireul pyohamnida.
I offer my sincere condolences.
Literally: (I) respectfully express condolence.
The written counterpart: on the ribbon of a funeral wreath, in a formal message from a company, or in a text when you cannot attend. Slightly more distant than the phrase above.
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얼마나 상심이 크세요.
eolmana sangsimi keuseyo.
I can only imagine how hard this is.
Literally: How great your heartbreak must be.
Said quietly to the bereaved family after you bow, and often the only sentence exchanged. It is a statement, not a question, despite the shape, and nothing needs to follow it.
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마음이 많이 아프시겠어요.
maeumi mani apeusigesseoyo.
You must be hurting so much.
Literally: Your heart must hurt a lot.
Softer and more personal than 얼마나 상심이 크세요, for a friend or colleague rather than a family you barely know. The -시- keeps it respectful.
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뭐라고 위로의 말씀을 드려야 할지 모르겠습니다.
mworago wiroui malsseumeul deuryeoya halji moreugetseumnida.
I don't know what I can say to comfort you.
Literally: (I) do not know what words of comfort (I) should offer.
Long, formal, and genuinely used, because admitting there are no words is itself the custom. Say it to an elder or a superior who has lost someone; it reads as humility, not helplessness.
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좋은 곳으로 가셨을 거예요.
joeun goseuro gasyeosseul geoyeyo.
They are in a better place now.
Literally: (They) will have gone to a good place.
A gentle, non-religious comfort that works in Buddhist, Christian and secular families alike. In a Christian family you will also hear 하늘나라 (heaven) and 천국 instead of 좋은 곳.
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힘내세요.
himnaeseyo.
Stay strong.
Literally: Bring out strength.
Common, and better a few days later than at the funeral hall itself, where it can sound like a demand to recover. In the message you send a week on, 힘내세요 is exactly right.
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필요한 거 있으면 말해 주세요.
piryohan geo isseumyeon malhae juseyo.
If you need anything, let me know.
Literally: If there is a needed thing, please tell (me).
Polite 요 speech, for a friend or colleague. Korean mourners rarely ask, so the kinder version is to offer something specific: a lift, a meal, covering a shift.
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늦게 알아서 죄송합니다.
neutge araseo joesonghamnida.
I'm sorry I only just heard.
Literally: (I) am sorry for having found out late.
Korean funerals last three days and news travels by group chat, so arriving on the last day or afterwards with this line is understood and forgiven. Follow it with 삼가 고인의 명복을 빕니다.
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What not to say matters as much. 안녕하세요 is not used at a funeral, since its literal sense is "are you at peace?"; a bow and a quiet 얼마나 상심이 크세요 replace it. Dress in black, keep your voice down, and do not ask how the person died; if the family wants to tell you, they will.